A time for change....

Hello people,
Its been a while since ive posted anything in this blog, i've been hit by more than just a few things lateley, just wanna rant about them. I've been the unfortunate victim of yet another failed relationship, these things come and go. The pain won't though. Joanne..... you were mine and yet you weren't. At times, I'd wake up at night asking myself why i still loved you. All the times you've not been there, through this recent experience have returned to haunt me and have shell-shocked every fibre of my being to the core. When cupid fires the arrows of love, does he leave it all to chance? sometimes i wonder as much, how he managed to sink an arrow between our hearts in the first place at all. Since you mentioned the start of school, and taht you'd be staying in hall, i had a bad feeling about things to come. i didnt know why it was so, i dismissed it as paranoia. But now i see that it was a revelation of the things that were to take place. Before you began your orientation, i will never forget that night you came over to my place, for the evening. we spent it like any normal meeting, except that was the day i was so in need for you, i poured out my everything to you, you accepted me and held me in your arms. And the moments we spent together that evening, ill never forget. One of the most memorable experiences with you. I remember that day that i told u that we'd be together forever, and that you would be mine. i kissed your neck, and you kissed mine , a silent statement of our commitment to one another. As times and as always, we ended the night with me sending u home, that night, i will not forget that you kissed me and rushed into my arms..... sayign that you would miss me. i knew i would miss you too. it hurt as much as a last goodbye... however little was i to know that it was sort of a farewell for us. It was not in my ability to predict how busy you would be in hall. I knew taht it was a time of testing of the mettle of our relationship and our commitment to one another. I was left alone through your orientation camps and activities, i felt lonely without you. my heart cried for u, so i tried to seek you out. but no all or sms that i gave to you was really replied much...... i guess you were really too busy. it was a difficult thing for me to bear.... i was slowly realising taht you could not make time for me. on that night taht you talked of your projects, i should have nown and grasped the chance to put the relationship on hold and remain as friends first to let us further our studies first. i did not wish for us to take the alternative path, of me feeling neglected to the point that i asked you for a break up. all the words i said, all the hurt i caused..... if i had one chance to tell you again, i would say that i was sorry for it all. I would tell you that i would be willing to just be friends and then later talk abt possible future plans . now it seems almost impossible to get you back. i dunnoe what will happen to you as you go on your life in nie, i know you are pursueing your dream very rapidly and are very determined to see it succeed. i failed to see your passion , your desire and the fierceness of your commitment towards it as your priority. i was impatient, and i lost you because of it. impatience. Even though you were not there for me, it should be right for me to say taht i should have taken the step to say that we would stay friends and then if time would be right that i would then come back. i dunnoe if i can ever take back the words i said in my break up sms...... i know that now even if i waited for you for half of my life, i would still be waiting till you came back into my arms and became mine forever more. i would wait that long. my heart grieves for you every single day we're apart, joanne. words from a broken man, to the one that he loves and still continues to treasure deeply in his heart. I still have all of the stuff you gave to me. they fill my mind with memories of you. i shall never forget you for as long as i live. that we were once the happy couple that could talk, laugh, and be so comfortable with each other. you filled my life with happiness of your presence, and now its gone. if love should take me again and i should fall for someone else, i will not forget what we had for each other. you are the first girl who i have loved so deeply taht my heart has your mark on it. now, begins the age and time for change in my life, im walking alone on this cold bitter road without you by my side. maybe, if fate chooses to, our paths will link back together after the cold long journey, and hopefully i will be able to experience paradise once again with you. I have the 2 tickets in my hand, holding them out for the one i love to take with me to come with me to a land of paradise where we can love each other fully an hurt no more. will you be the one who comes back to take that ticket from me? a question for refrain, in the chained pain of my life, the story of it thus far.