The nether of hope, the indespensibility of reality, and the dawning of truth.

Would it be that i had never had had another hope, that the unfortunate fate that is assigned to me has to be cast into my hands, burning them as I try to grasp it and take hold of it? My lot in life i feel is sometimes in question, to whom do i seek to bring favour to? Who is my master? The Lord? If it that is to be the case, I've been a pretty darn lousy servant. What have I done to ever prove my worth to him that he could not easily find in another? In this i find no solace to the name i am called. "Christian" , or mini-christ. Hah! What a laugh, what am I doing to become more like the mini-christ im supposed to be? Would a mini-christ be so willing to be delinquent to his father? I dare not say I am proud of who I am.
In a sense, I find myself in the point of my life that i am striving more for myself than for others, for even whatever i do for others seems to end up being a selfish action. For every action there should be a force of counter-reaction to oppose it, said Newton. How selfish a thought! But how right he was! Did he know that he just defined most of us with that single statement? Which of us does not expect to be gratified oen way or another by people around us for what we've done? Let's not even talk about glory-hogging, let's talk about even just recognition for what we did. I , Gabriel Neo have done this. I have done it for good of others. I do not expect anything, your happiness is enough. Isnt it ironical that no matter how much we say, we always use the word "I" in it? That in itself is the very root of our ego. Whenever something goes wrong, how many of you guys would say," Hey , I did MY part, it must be someone else's fault." Why such a self defensive stance? We protect our egos more than we think we do, and that in itself is pride in action. I am proud of what i have done, I am proud i helped my friend, I am proud of my results. Pride is everywhere.
I am but a fragment of myself, walking down this path i call life, I try my best but sometime's its not enough. I dunnoe what's in store for me, I have to get stronger.